The Hurt We Carry

(Yes, I Am Back!)

Hi, if you are paying attention, I chose not to leave. Substack is sort of blahhh. So I will do both. Let me catch you up on what you missed.

At our core, we have a need to be loved, accepted, and seen for who we are. Many of us don’t experience this in adequate measure, and often quite the opposite. Rejection that is built on self-hate. No one teaches us about how to manage that core wound and how to cope, so we carry it with us through our youth into our adult lives. Societal norms stack more rejection, which stacks on to even more self-hate.

We imagine that a hurtful incident is about the incident, but I want to propose that if our hearts were full and healed and our minds self-aware, the less those incidents would be less hurtful. In truth, it isn’t about whatever the circumstances are all that much as it is that it brings up that old, possibly generational core wound of feeling not seen, unloved, and unaccepted. I honestly believe that for all things we get our feelings hurt over, if we got what we wanted, we would find more things to be unhappy and hurt over. I look at our gay community, for example, pre-Trump. When we were on the progression road, our gay community was getting its feelings hurt left and right over vocabulary. The whole Pronoun issue. We moved from Marriage Rights and Work Rights and a right to be in the Military to well, now, you don’t know me because you aren’t using the right vocabulary to identify me. I’m not saying it is a non-issue, but the extremes it went to were bonkers. I could use examples but I’m not going there. If you know, you know. ,

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I was recently thinking about how upset I have been that my inner family circle doesn’t read the books I write. It got under my skin. But then I thought about how loving they have been and imagined would if they had read them, what would my next wound be? Probably that not enough people in general don’t read my books, and then later I don’t make money off of it. And on and on it goes. So we can be miserable in all these variations of disguised hurts, but at the root of all of them is a need to be loved, seen, and accepted. That’s the hurt we have to learn to take care of ourselves through self-love rather than trying to impossibly fix everyone else, or say my fate is a doomed one of always being rejected and hurt.

Today, right now, in the highest office in the land, we have a man who was never taught a healthy way to take care of his core needs. We all know how he grew up, and it doesn’t take a psychologist to see what his core wound could be. Instead of dealing with it in a healthy way, this man has reacted and suffered, resulting in reactions and continuing in these cycles. Now we all suffer under his brutal, bruised ego, and underneath it all are these core wounds that were never addressed. He can only see the world through the eyes of those wounds and lashes out accordingly. The more we reject, the more we feed into it, and if we are submissive, then we give permission. His best bet may have been Dr. Phil—some type of therapist he would listen to. But Dr. Phil submitted to his whims and was ineffective. So, we are all screwed.

The only solution for all of us is to 2-fold. To take the path of self-love and learn what that is really about and secondly, surround yourself with supportive loving people. I highly recommend starting with this book: “Nothing Is Wrong With You” by Huber.