When You Wish Upon A Star & A Dream Doesn’t Come True

It happens in small ways or in big ways. It might be a job promotion, a wish for a partner, or a dream home. It could have been a different presidential candidate.. eh hem. You could find that most of the ideal dreams or visions you had for yourself are now running on plans b, c, or d. Maybe you even find yourself not the person you had hoped to become by this time.

In our country, we celebrate the victor. In Trump’s inaugural address, he used the words “great” 17 times, “dream” 7 and “win” 5 times. Our movies show even the most challenged people overcoming the worst obstacles to pull out a win. Of course, it gives us hope to face our own. However, in a media firestorm of “idols” and now millionaires and billionaires ruling this country, what do you do with a life of broken dreams? With family functions where people raise that eyebrow and ask, “Got that job yet?”, “Find anyone yet?”, “When are you going to have kids?”

The real question isn’t an answer to any of those questions that satisfies those sneering family members. It is at a deeper root level on how to become content and yet feel we are living a life of purpose while headed in the right direction for us.

The first part of gaining deep peace and connecting with who you are–leaving behind this weight of who you “should be by now”–is acceptance. You have probably heard that age old serenity prayer right: God grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. There is a funny thing about age. As much as you may fight to change many things, most things stay the same. It is a good fight to change what needs to be changed, but I can tell you I made 50 needless year wars. I did it because I had societal shame.

We are taught a lot of our shame and maybe some shame is good. You don’t want to be taking off your clothes in the middle of a grocery aisle. However, many of us carry around a heavy load of societal if not religious shame that is generational. Wayne Mueller in the book, “How, Then, Shall We Live” states, “When after all our efforts and struggles, it is clearly time to surrender, then acceptance becomes the heart of healing–acceptance of what has been given, of what has become of us and our lives.” He goes on to say, but this is the hardest thing to do. When our dreams don’t come true, there is not only disappointment but also shame. What did I miss or do wrong? Has God abandoned me?

John Eldredge in “Waking the Dead” puts it this way, “Either (a) we’re blowing it, or (b) God is holding out on us. Or some combination of both….Isn’t this where you land, with all the things that haven’t gone the way you’d hope and wanted? Isn’t it some version of “I’m blowing it”? in that it’s your fault, you could have done better, you could have been braver or wiser or more beautiful or something? Or ‘God is holding out on me’, in that you know he could have come through, but he hasn’t…”

This is the “One Big Question” Eldredge states philosophy and religions have been trying to nail down for all time. Meanwhile, business and corporations take advantage of our handicaps to get us to buy products to make us feel less insecure, distract, etc. which don’t work but generate revenue for them. Life goes on though, wave after crushing wave on our fragile minds and egos, and we are often too off-center to know why things are happening to us the way they are. Even the deeper the things, like what you are reading right now, can be forgotten completely by tomorrow because of the way we live our lives.

I’m writing this blog post specifically to help me not forget what was shown to me. I was shown what I’m telling you two days ago and when I sat down to try to remember “that revelational thing” that came to mind, I was shaken to my core that I could not. All my gaming, Tik Token, political stress and other things pushed it right out. So here I am. I am on a journey getting back centered too.

So acceptance is the first key but it is hard. It is tricky. Many times I thought I had and even sang the “I Surrender ALL” songs over the years with much, much emotion. Nope. This is a different kind of surrender though. Mueller states in his book”Accepting who we are, who we have become, our lives, our jobs, our friends, our destiny as it has evolved–this is a fruitful practice.” He calls it a practice of non-harming and subtly warns of modern self-help that asks you to tear yourself apart and remake yourself into someone spiritually or psychologically acceptable. For me, I have been a stubborn mule, and had to be cornered in for several years to finally get it. Where no amount of fighting for acceptance to belong worked in the long run. So, I was forced to accept and love myself. It has been the hardest and best lesson of my life. It’s cost a lot of relationships and idealistic dreams but it’s been worth it.

The second aspect is clarity and focus.

John Eldredge in “Waking the Dead” talks about many of us being in this state of shell shock. Fog brain. Where understanding of what the universe or God is doing or where our life is headed and our confidence in it has been constantly chipped away at that we are no longer sure what is happening.

What we need is a certain clarity that pulling away from all these distractions and habits that give us no time for the things and people that matter to us is going to take some effort. In some sense, we are in a war. A war for our souls. It’s already been researched and proven that our toxic junk foods have been made addicting but so to has our media. If we go forward clueless about that and make no effort to turn that tide back in our lives, it will consume us.

John says, ‘Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days we will not understand life. We will misinterpret 90% of what is happening around us and to us.” He goes onto say it will be even harder to understand God’s intentions and not feel that we are blowing it. When in reality it is not about that. I love the story about a woman carrying 2 water buckets. One was full of water and the other was worn and cracked leaking out water as she walked. When she got to her destination after filling them up, the older water bucket said, “I’m sorry you failed you. We have arrived and all my water seeped out the cracks.” The woman smiled and replied, “Nonsense. Look out on the pathway. You’ve been watering the pathway every trip I’ve made and have helped grow those beautiful flowers on the path to make my journey joyous.” A worn, cracked bucket isn’t going to get likes on Instagram, bids on the stock exchange, or have an Onlyfans page. Yet, that bucket served a purpose it did not see and maybe no one else would know but its owner.

We have to focus and root out what gets in the way of what we want to accept about ourselves. It sounds new age, but let go of the ever-charming box of rat poison. It may be people or places or time on apps. Whatever it is. You become what you love. “Where your treasure is so there your heart will be.”–Jesus.

Mueller in “How, Then, Shall We Live” says, “Attention is the physical manifestation of love…whatever receives our time and attention becomes the center of gravity, the focus of our lives.” He very interestingly uses this illustration of children. We can think and even say we love our children, wishing the best for them, but if I’m pushing them away, they are not feeling that love. Only through my attention do they experience my love. So, the question then becomes, what is at the center of YOUR life? Examine where you spend your attention and time. Whatever receives your care and attention is, by definition, receiving your love.

Mueller states, “We become what we love. Whatever you are giving your time and attention to, day after day, this is the kind of person you will eventually become. Is this what you want?” Striking question. Do you wish to be giving the amount of attention you are to things you have been? I know when I asked myself this question months ago, I pulled by back from so much overtime work. Now, I’m working on pulling back on so much social media and gaming apps (I’m just starting so it’s not going good just yet).

At the age of 55, I wrote this article because I’ve never been more content in my life than I am now. I wanted to give you some clues about it: acceptance, clarity and focus. It’s a little strange as the world around me seems to be unraveling to find myself feeling content within. But I wanted to find the right words to tell you why. This is why. What I’m sharing here. Yet, I have more to go. I’m definitely not done. I still feel the work of what I shared here in play, but I’ve done a lot it.I know this is going to sound trite and redundant but it does get better. You have to just be persistent and open. You’ll give up at times but as long as you come back to the game. You just keep getting up. As long as the sun rises, there is grace enough for you today. You can bank on that.