In order to make this readable no matter which side you stand on about prescription drugs, SSRI’s, John F Kennedy Jr. and his appointment, I’m just going to tell you my story and weave some facts rather than conjecture.
It took a horse-drawn carriage to get me into therapy. I was terrified to go, but now I swear by it. Professional Listeners: You can’t beat it in a world where people don’t listen. When I went in I was anxiety-ridden and depressed, practically agoraphobic by that time–it’s pretty much a fear of empty spaces so you stay indoors. I had to put college on hold as I was joking about suicide on the outside but pondering it on the inside. My older sister basicallyy said to my parents “Uh, mom and dad, something isn’t right here.”
I did talk therapy for a short bit but they soon saw I could use some help because I couldn’t function out in public. As anyone knows, the trial of finding a medication that works for you can be uncomfortable, scary, and discouraging as you experience unwanted side effects. One minute you are normal, and the next you feel like Frankenstein’s Monster with your genitals in a cage. Next, please! In my religious fervor, I used medications as a crutch for a while but ultimately left it all behind. The crutch really bruised my ego. Instead, I believed something along the lines of that country song that Jesus would “Take the Wheel”. I threw myself into every ministry out there and let me tell you, I don’t regret what I learned faith-wise though it made life very, very difficult for me. It is amazing how far I got with just myself and my faith. This concept of Jesus working through me.
However, the cart on that carriage started rolling back downhill because it could only get me so far with a true medical condition affecting body chemistry. I first began a holistic approach when in my 30’s I learned I was so pre-diabetic it wasn’t even funny. I could then blame my extra layer of nerves I pulling me backward on that, so I altered my diet and tried things like St. John’s Wort etc. I got rid of sugars, and white breads and went high protein. Although I was getting healthier, it didn’t stop the cart from rolling back on me no matter the amount of scriptures I memorized, balanced diet, meditation, CBT practices. It all only got me so far. Sometimes it just made me more aware of how fried my nerves were and how little control I really had–despite every coping mechanizm.
I can only describe it to you this way. Imagine throughout your day that the normal anxiety you may feel hits your body in such a way that your vision changes to where you feel like you are walking in a fun house with slanted floors and walls, there’s tremendous pressure coming in on every angle for you either to scream, run or just fall to the floor. When you try to walk, your limbs freeze up and you can feel your skin vibrating all over as your heart races like you are in a marathon. This plus the feeling that everyone sees it, knows it, and mocks you for it. As if you are exposed down to your bones. Now imagine this happens at random, unpredictable times throughout your day on your job. Then you will only begin to get an inkling of what this is like.
Believe it or not, it was a Christian therapist who suggested I get on an SSRI. I resisted for quite a while. I was totally anti-medication but ultimately I gave in as the walls were creeping in and I was going backward not forward. There are many out there. The dinosaur Prozac. Then there is Zoloft, and Paxil to name a few.
My first experience of change was like this: I could sign in at the gym without shaking like a leaf, I could use the locker room for the first time in 30 years, and enjoy the amenities eventually. My seasonal affectiveness disappeared and terrible bouts of cluster headaches (called suicide headaches which are in my family) were greatly reduced and eliminated. I no longer felt like I was walking in a fun house. My anxiety became much more manageable. Not always. I had set backs but for the most part.
I would learn later, in my 50’s, that I had another benign disorder that actually medically triggered the depression and anxiety in my brain. So, in reality, though I was treating from a mental health angle all this time, it was never completely “all in the head”. While exploring all these mybrid issues, thought patterns, and abuses, took conferences, years of therapy, ministry, and having demonic influences cast out of me, it in the least was partly triggered by this disorder as much as any of that.
I used my new medication for the disorder along with the SSRI, and these two medications have totally changed my life! Like night and day. I am concerned that John F. Kennedy Jr. would now go after this and make plans for addiction farms that people who are on SSRI live on for years. It’s way out there. You have to remember that prescription medications use plants just as much as holistic avenues do. It’s just that scientists know what they are doing! Somehow we bought the lie about all government being bad until it truly did become bad because we fed into the lie and so too we seem to do with science. People cry “Big Pharma”. I’m not saying that there isn’t some truth to the schemes people are suggesting to make money. But as far as the science behind these medications, like SSRI’s, I am a testimony of the soundness. Sure, I do use items from holistic stores that I swear by to help with blood sugar and the like. Everyone has their needs and their story. There are also things I’ve tried I almost went to the ER after. There’s no regulation to it. You don’t know what you are getting at health food stores.
Unlike other classes of antidepressants, SSRIs have little effect on other neurotransmitters, such as dopamine or norepinephrine. SSRIs also have relatively fewer side effects than TCAs and MAOIs due to fewer effects on adrenergic, cholinergic, and histaminergic receptors. You have to do your research and not just go with scare tactics. Just because someone equates its addictive nature to heroine or causing violence doesn’t make it so. The research just isn’t there.
As my dad would say, this is my story and I’m sticking to it.
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