There have been many notable celebrity losses this year: Quincy Jones, Kris Kristofferson, Richard Simmons, Liam Payne, Dame Maggie Smith, Bob Newhart, Don Sutherland and so many more. Recently Jimmy Carter passed away but he was 100 and we knew that was coming–even so, an argument could be made that he was one of the best humans to walk this planet.
Nevertheless, I think the one that hits me the hardest is the recent death of Linda Lavin from Mel Diner’s fame. There are many levels of it for me. Besides the fact that small diners and small businesses struggle to make it now, they represent the next best thing to home. Watching the TV show Alice was sort of an extension of home with its cast of characters set around the ritual of eating food and community. 2 sacred things that even have strong religious ties in almost every faith tradition let alone just what everyone enjoys to feel less lonely. Food and a bit of social capital and then you can return home again.
This show Alice was the Twisted Tea version of Cheers for Generation X. Linda Lavin was the goddess of that show. Not only as the character Alice but as herself. Linda sang the theme song to the show. As Alice, she was a kick-ass single mom who had taken on toxic men like her boss Mel. She was funny, sexy, smart, and had to balance it all while raising a little boy. This character of Alice reminded me of the strength of so many women in my life through the years. My own mom, my aunts, and later on some women I would work with. Women had to fight for so much in their lives.
I remember one lady I worked with as a para pro who had some features of Linda and could even sing to the kids. Teachers could rely on her, and she knew it so much that she would sometimes even step on toes doing a little more than asked. She showed me the ropes when I first started, begrudgingly but down to every detail. I heard her tails of working in the corporate world run by men and how she found herself here. Now she ruled the roost of little boys and girls like a tight ship and could play too. She was the Linda Lavin of parapros, and I will always admire her dynamic personality and skills and smarts to get herself out of the toxic corporate world like I did.
Mel’s Diner first became famous in American Graffiti, the 1973 movie classic and it spun off into the hit TV show Alice that began in 1976 and lasted 9 seasons which ended in 1984. Who can forget Flo’s “Kiss my Grits!” and Vera’s ever-panic-ridden face and the fears she has to overcome that secretly reside in the underbelly of all of us. But whether the show was dealing with topics of racism, misogyny, all sorts of fears, or unfair treatment in the workplace, it was always done with humor and with this message that you aren’t alone. The girls had each other backs and at times even Mel needed girls.
But one thing always stood out to me. I always felt I wanted Alice as a friend. Linda Lavin as an actress too seems as much as a wonderful person as the role she played. There is something powerful in a combination of humor, compassion, and strength. It brings forth it’s own light and beauty that you want to be around. It makes you feel happy and safe. That is who and what Linda Lavin represented to me. I have that within myself now, in my own personal growth work, but I will sorely miss her on the world stage. Perhaps she was blessed not to see the mess of what could be coming in the new year. Hopefully, it is better than what we deserve and we all do better than what people voted for (not what I voted for). Let’s hope our better selves prevail and we make folks like Linda Lavin and Jimmy Carter proud.
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