I’ve been talking about an idea with several people lately but this thought really began decades ago after a series of bad job break-ups. My father always raised me under the mantra that you do your work to the best of your ability, don’t worry what anyone else says, and your boss will notice and have your back for that. This may have held true in my dad’s day or in his experience but a problem arises when your bosses are toxic themselves. A mystery that puzzled me in my young work life was why those who worked hard had such high expectations placed on them, and those who were really bad for the company did not. They could do anything they wanted without repercussions and, in some cases, seemed to have the boss’s ear just as much as a good worker. This still happens today.
Then, when I entered the field of education I noticed a change happening around the early 2000’s where students, no matter how unresponsible, were no longer being held responsible (thanks to Bill and Melinda Gates). Teachers were. In the case of special needs, it was even more profound and quite dangerous as students were allowed to throw huge tantrums throwing desks, chairs, and other equipment causing an evacuation of classes. Teachers and assistants are required to work with these students in these situations trying to “de-escalate” and give them a set of coping mechanisms like using cards similar to traffic light signals to signal moods that just get tossed or torn up. The responsibility again is on that Teacher and assisting staff every day to deal with that not where the responsibility should lie. Thus, you have a high turnover rate of special needs teachers in intense settings like confined special needs rooms with a set of de-escalation and coping stragedies that sound good on paper but don’t work well in reality.
Let’s bring this to today. What about that toxic family member? “Oh, that’s just how Uncle Jack is!”. What about the molestation that took place in the family? You don’t talk about it. It remains a family secret and the person can do it again. These toxic, abusive people go on bullying and doing what they will because “good” people don’t think it’s “nice” to confront them so the behavior continues.
I remember I worked for a company I really enjoyed until they hired one older man as an engineer who believed that by yelling at you and demeaning you, it would get the best work out of you. This had been the first job where I felt any sense of safety or enjoyment, and he sucked the wind right out of that and brought me close to a nervous breakdown. Why do we let these people carry on unchecked?
With the recent rise of white nationalism in and out of evangelic circles in America, we have people on social media on college campuses holding tent talks where they defend their racism in a highly intellectual-sounding way (mostly because they fast). Toxic men use a notion of “reverse discrimination” under justifications like (and I’m paraphrasing) “I wasn’t around when slavery occurred so I’m not to blame. Let’s talk about now.” and “Why should anyone get special treatment for the color of their skin; it should just go to the one best suited to the job.” These are very crafty B.S. arguments as they ignore institutionalized and systemic racism that gives others an unfair advantage. The one I am thinking of on TikTok, the man is 30 years old, he only does this now–arguing for white nationalism on college campuses. Would the side we were on, the side of racial equality and such, set up a tent on a very affluent all-white male college to talk about racial equality and women’s rights. If we learn anything from 2024, we need an all-year-long ground game like they have been doing.
Right now, we have one person about to step into the presidency who will open the door for a slew of people just like him. He is a narcissistic, bully, and when you look at all this man has done, the crime and fraud he has been charged with, the things he has said and done, and the ties to foreign adversaries of ours, there is no way in God’s green earth this man should even be running for President. But this is where we are. A man who believes using intimidation and fear produces better results than cooperation and constitutional democracy. Instead of enacting right judgment, people want to hide behind procedure, policy, and decorum in the last hour of Biden’s term and hope good gestures will rub off on him. Now, our country is on its knees about to face a guillotine with the man it has mocked for four years as its executioner. How well do you think that is going to go? He received a strong bich slapping from a lot of people and institutions on his last go around.
His threats on using tariffs that experts say will crash the economy, court marshaling our generals who were only carrying out their orders, purging the military, and once saying he was not a part of Project 2025 to hiring members of the Project to his Cabinet and staff, show you a trailer of what’s to come. But this is what toxic people thrive off of and what wanna-be dictators want also. Chaos and destruction. They want things to appear like they aren’t working so they will manufacture dysfunction and then appear with a solution that won’t work. The reason their solutions don’t work is toxic people never do the work to know what the good solutions would be. It would be like asking the Grinch what you should buy for Valentine’s Day. You aren’t going to get good advice. They can only obsess over what may benefit them to protect themselves.
Toxic people are very scared people. Often traumatically wounded themselves, they shield themselves, and their whole life is self-preservation and narcissism. They aren’t without hope but it’s the narcissism that’s the blocker. The higher that is, the less chance they will change or seek help. You might hear Yoda say, “The ego is strong in this one, I fear.”
We unfortunately have a lot of toxic leaders on our world stage. It is not in freedom or democracy’s best interest to just let one class of people and one person aligned with these people hold the power in all our branches of government who have seriously expressed in form and deed little reverence for the institutions of our Democracy. By supporting an insurrection you are a traitor. Plain and simple, and he shouldn’t be able to run from that but he has. When he got on TV and told the insurrectionists they were loved and special and went around for years saying the election was false, that shouldn’t be allowed without consequence to him running again. Do you want to talk about policy? That’s the Constitution.
But, like the kid acting out in the classroom who after 4 years hasn’t changed his behaviors and his parents haven’t shown up to any meetings, what have we done? We made him President of the Student Council. This country has codified him because that is what we do now. We codify toxic people rather than have them face their issues, ultimately. It is that or there is another sinister plan at work (that the powers that be really all this time have wanted him in and people like him around the globe). One World Order of the Sith Lord kind? Could be. I think that would be a grave mistake because there is more of us than the 1%’ers.
Stop codifying and bending over backward for toxic players in your places of work, relationships, and families. Confront it. Otherwise, we have narcissistic misinformed adults running over people all over the place, throwing tantrums and getting their way. In other words, being rewarded for their behavior and never knowing otherwise. You can confront it in a good way. It doesn’t need to be mean but the behavior needs to be stopped.
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