What Happens at The Post Office Stays at the Post Office

Ahh, I remember when we all had more privacy than we do now and there was a sense of respecting a person’s decency and space. Now, in our times of “terror” and for the cause of speed and efficiency, much of that has been sacrificed.

To this end, I have a funny story to tell that is part my own doing and part “What the hell were they thinking down at DHL?” Enjoy, at my expense!

I had a package to take DHL to send internationally today. This is a bit of a care package that I need a care package back for because it cost so much dang money to send, but that’s another story. This dear person I was sending this package to is in my LGBTQ family and lives in a place where he has access to nothing LGBTQ supportive. So, in this box, I put in a few things LGBTQ-ish. Some needful, some fun, some riske’. I taped up the package good and tight (like a good bottom would). and it was on its way.

First, GPS sent me to a UPS Store. Why? I don’t know but I found it alarming that when I first walked into the store and the UPS woman who looked like she was serving out meals to Nazi soldiers almost immediately asked me what was inside the box. This was before she knew my full question. It felt invasive.

“A Dildo, mam. It’s a box of vibrating dildos of various colors and sizes.”

That’s what I would have liked to have said just to see her expression. I was glad to find I needed to go to an actual DHL store, but that detour made me drive like a banshee to get there before they closed. The woman at the counter at DHL and what appeared to be her goth, shy assistant seemed pleasant enough. She, with her blonde hair, blue eyes, peaceful face, and gracious smile even though I was here a quarter till closing time, made me feel content initially. Now, honey, I wasn’t about to “describe” package contents as having something like an all-nude male calendar or anything else particularly LGBTQ. I just stuck with the majors and less riske’ stuff. No harm, no foul, right?

Wrong. I was so wrong!

My insides reeled in horror as I learned the horrors of shipping internationally while my blonde damsel in black leather gloves ripped open my package like she was CSI Miami, breaking through my international shipper’s cherry. She began digging through the contents cautiously as if she was digging through my innards. One-by-one each piece within the box was pulled out right there where everyone could see as she meticulously examined each item.

Her goth, shy and now seemingly damsel in distress assistant stood behind her stepping back and away when things started getting questionable, riske’ “Hmm..what is this LGBTQ stuff?” Now, our lady service agent was running back and forth to her supervisor asking questions about what is and not allowed in that country. I could hear them yelling back and forth, and as they approached the front counter, the volume only got more pronounced as they carried on about this all-nude male calendar.

Her: “…pornography?”

Supervisor: “Well, are they nude or just in skimpy swimsuits?”

Her: “I didn’t look yet.”

Supervisor: “Yeah that will make or break the difference so let’s see.”

Her: “Okay, I will see if it is porn or not.”

The word “porn” was making me cringe. At this point, anyone near the front, including that assistant, could hear that conversation. I wanted to crawl into a hole. Her supervisor ended up being a young man who looked like he just graduated from high school. “Golly Gee”, smiles were extended to me as they both approached the box which stood in between us.

“We just need to look at-“

“No need. I heard,” I interjected, “The calendar has nude men, so I will just take it unless one of you two ladies wants it? I don’t need another calendar of naked men?” The two women laughed. The blonde reached in and handed me the calendar tucked inside its envelope saying those words I didn’t want to hear out loud in front of everyone again:

“Yeah, the country you are shipping to doesn’t take pornography. Sorry about that.”

“Oh no! Not at all. Glad you checked,” I said looking to the floor and swallowing my pride. I wanted to protest the word pornography in this case and call it art but that was a losing battle. Why do nude pictures have to be assumed as “pornography” ?

And so she went through two more items that she had to “check on” or look on the internet to see if they were accepted. That’s all fine and good. I’m glad she did because I wouldn’t want something taken or the box completely confiscated. This was something I didn’t know about how packages are inspected. There is no privacy as to what’s inside. Go figure. I actually literally laughed my butt off in the car afterward for not knowing this. I thought to myself, “What happens at the post office, stays at the post office.” I hadn’t done anything like this in decades beyond decades. It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself.

I thought to myself, “What happens at the post office stays at the post office.”

What was the in-your-face interesting if not a bit offensive is the lack of discretion with those items that she could have been a bit more discreet about instead of making this public spectacle, which clearly her assistant even stood with her back on the wall and played “frozen statue”. A lowered voice would have done wonders, so I didn’t feel the entire DHL office had heard this conversation.

Is there a way (and I don’t know) that since you are taking out personal belongings of someone’s package that it could be done more privately, even with a partcian? Instead of having these people standing and observing these personal items on display like a walk-by gallery.

“Oh look mommy, he’s got a porno? And over there, she’s got a vibrator and some weed!”

Some people might not know, like I didn’t, about what is alright to send in the first place let alone to a country like Nigeria with certain restrictions. Why embarrass them? These service people were kind and she worked hard to make sure this package could be sent legit. I appreciate that and her effort. She was kind in her own way but seeemingly clueless that this very public display could use with more discretion and tact–even if just a lowering of the voice. What I didn’t want or want for someone else is to be on public display.

Maybe they need to go with the rule from our public library systems.. Shhhhhhhh!